I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
