so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
