Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want a musical about memes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
