Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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