So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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