Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
