After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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