I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i think im in europe. pls send help
did i just pee glitter
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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