My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize