6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
