One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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