Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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