I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
