guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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