Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
