So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He passed out mid-signature
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize