I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When are your genitals available?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
