oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
