I wish I could teleport
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
