You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
