Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
