Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
