Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
