I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
