hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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