her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
