my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
