Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize