Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
