Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
