She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
