Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
