How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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