I am puke
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
