Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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