Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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