so that wasnt chicken after all
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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