So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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