Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
