Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
