i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
