White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
