I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
