I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
