I want to stick my p in your. b.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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