Me too!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My liver just had a heart attack.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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