i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize