Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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