hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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