I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
