The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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