Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize