god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
