I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
zippers are such a cool invention
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize