she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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