so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im drinking this country out of the recession.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
