its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
