Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
