I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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