I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
