It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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