there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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