You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
