he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
