I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
