Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
