Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it's like iHOP with fire
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize