There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
