I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
